Why is it when we hear the word “Wedding” we are automatically transported into the world of big fluffy white dress, copious amounts of rose petals and the undeniable sounds of Celine Dion?
Blame Hollywood all you want for the overly indulgent and lavish stereotyping but the reason we are so set in our minds as to what constitutes a wedding is because weddings have always been done a certain way.
And it takes a very strong, determined couple to buck the trend.
The unspoken pressure of a wedding is not something that is openly acknowledged and to step outside of the “institution” can sometimes mean chastisement from family, friends and even wedding service providers.
“What do you mean you are not going to wear White?, It’s a wedding!”
When I meet with my couples for the first time I like to lay out the wedding ceremony in a simple way and clearly state the legal requirements of an Australian Marriage Ceremony. These are the legal boxes that have to be ticked:-
- At some point during the ceremony the people getting married must be referenced by their full name
- It is required that two witnesses be present, and clearly hear and understand the wedding ceremony. These two people must also be over the age of 18
- The celebrant must read the section from the Marriage Act (referred to as the Monitum) that explains the nature of marriage.
- When the marriage is officiated by a celebrant it is sufficient that the couple say to each other, in front of the celebrant and witnesses, the words: “I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, A.B. (or C.D.), take thee, C.D. (or A.B.), to be my lawful wedded wife (or husband or spouse)”;
At no point does it say in the Marriage Act that you must have three readings all of varying degrees of romantic soppyness, a ceremony that goes for at least 45 minutes or that someone has to be given away by their Dad, Mum, favourite Aunty, least favourite Cousin or the postman.
These are all choices that a couple can make to reflect their relationship and their idea and expectations of their marriage ceremony.
I call it “The Fluff” and leave it up to the couple as to how “fluffy” they want to get.
Most of the ceremonies that have stayed in my mind since I became a celebrant in 2009 have been the ones where the couple have taken controlled and let their personalities, and their history reflect their marriage ceremony. Not tradition, not what the wedding magazines or blogs say, but what they feel in their hearts.
That is the best way to say “I do”
