By hook or crook

Dec 2012 I was performing my very last ceremony for the year and was 3 months into my second pregnancy.

Can I brag and say I have excellent pregnancies and labours?

I’m one of those child-bearing women who is just made to have children. I seem to explode with child with very little discomfort or inconvenience to myself. There is no morning sickness, no soreness, no tiredness and they have both arrived on time and completely healthy.

Except for the morning of Casey and Luke’s wedding…

My second brag [and this one is still true and I am still bragging] is that I have never missed a wedding I have booked. I’ve never been late [although there was one close call thanks to an accident at Hexham] and I’ve never had to call in someone to cover for me.

[And touch wood I will never have to!]

But this one morning, 2 Dec 2012 I woke up at 2am and threw up… I went back to sleep, not feeling great and woke up at 4am to say Hi to the porcelain bowl again, again at 6am.. and almost every two hours on the dot.

Now, I’ve never had morning sickness so I’m not sure if that is what I had but by 10am I felt I had to do something.

First thing first, I rang my awesome celebrant friend Naomi Rhodes, to see if she was free and could step in if need be. As luck would have it Naomi was and we agreed Naomi would come with me to the wedding, and step in – even at the last minute, if I couldn’t go through with the ceremony.

Casey was great about the whole thing when I rang her. I explained between Naomi and myself she would be married, with the exact words we agreed upon, in the exact same style but it just might not be me doing the speaking.

Cut forward a few hours to Rafferty’s Resort. I’m standing near the water, Naomi is standing to one side. We’ve agreed that if I look at her [with the desperate HELP ME I’M GOING TO BE SICK look] , she would step in at a moment, and take over.

The music swells, and the beautiful Casey walks in, sees me and cries out “You’re here!”. She is happy and so am I.

Casey and Luke get married and it all goes swimmingly. Although I can feel within myself I am not far off my two hourly visit. I introduce everyone to the new Mr and Mrs.. and the crowd goes wild. People file past starting to congratulate the couple, and I make my way over to Naomi, I don’t say much just “Hold this!” and give her my mic and my folder.

The infamous tree is in this shot taken by Ben Howland

I walk calmly but very quickly to the large tree that sits near the kitchen entrance, I get behind it and just as I hide away from view of all the guests a wave of nausea hits and well, you can guess what happens next.

I can’t help but giggle when I remember the wedding of Casey and Luke… and the rather shocked faces of all the stickbeekers standing up near reception who would have had a full view of me, walking off the lawn, going behind a tree and then throwing up.

I hope somewhere in Newcastle someone is telling a “I think the Celebrant was drunk!” story about a wedding they once saw at Cams Wharf.

Kez is a Newcastle Marriage Celebrant. She has performed over 700 weddings across Australia but also can officiate baby namings, elopements, registry weddings and funerals. Kez is known to be loud and nerdy. http://wedbykez.com/